How to cope emotionally with egg donation treatment

Women or couples who decide to undertake egg donation treatment usually make this decision after having tried other assisted reproduction alternatives such as artificial insemination and IVF. After going through failed cycles and attempts, feelings begin to emerge such as disappointment, anxiety, financial worries or pain. Infertility grief can present itself in these five ways:

• Denial: insisting that the doctors or the test results are wrong, or denying an obvious reality.
• Anger: at friends and family who have no difficulty achieving pregnancy, at her partner, at the doctors and at herself.
• Bargaining: promising herself that if she behaves in a certain way or changes certain routines she will get pregnant.
• Depression: feelings of isolation, anxiety, fear and despair may be experienced. Therapy can help many patients to keep moving forward.
• Acceptance: accepting the point they are at and looking for other alternatives. At this stage patients may begin to explore other ways of becoming parents that they had not considered before. For example, undergoing egg donation treatment where they have to turn to an egg bank.

If I use a donor’s eggs, will I feel like the baby’s mother?

In egg donation treatment, the eggs come from a young, healthy donor, and the sperm from the male partner, or from a sperm donor if there is male infertility or there is no male partner. In this sense, the woman will have to give up the idea of passing on her genes to her children.

Although at first it can be difficult to accept the fact that her DNA will not be passed on to the baby, mothers usually find that, as the pregnancy develops and their child is born, they do not mind that the egg came from a donor. It is the recipient woman who is the biological mother, who carries the baby in her womb and uses her blood and her body so that the baby develops properly inside her.

Am I ready to be a mother?

Being a mother is not about passing on your genes so that the child looks like you. Parenting involves many other things such as changing diapers, teaching them how to live with others, playing with them at odd hours or spending sleepless nights.

It is also about hugs, laughter and shared stories, bedtime “rituals”, the goodnight kiss on the forehead, watching over them while they sleep, caring for them when they are ill, and so on. When all is said and done, it is a connection that will make you want to be present at every step they take in their life. Bonds arise from motherhood and not from passing on DNA.

Epigenetics must also be taken into account: the exchange of information with the fetus while it is in the womb. The patient may not have contributed the DNA, but it is her body that will decide how the genes of that DNA are expressed. The mother’s environment, her behavior and her choices can affect the development of those genes.

How to handle other people’s ideas about egg donation?

Accepting egg donation treatment, achieving pregnancy and being the parents of a baby conceived with a donor’s eggs is such a positive experience that any genetic “pain” usually stays in the past. However, it usually takes time and a great deal of patience is needed, since not everyone will be able to understand what egg donation treatment really means, either medically or emotionally. Standing firm in your own convictions, having a positive attitude, having confident answers and being strong can always help in facing this type of situation.

At Ovobank we are proud to help patients struggling with infertility to achieve their dream of becoming parents, and we have a wide pool of donor eggs available in our egg bank. Treatments with our vitrified eggs have resulted in above-average success rates. If you are interested in this treatment with donor eggs, do not hesitate to contact us. We will be delighted to advise you and find the best solution for your needs.