When and how to tell my child they were born thanks to egg donation

Many couples find themselves having to turn to assisted reproduction to see their dream of starting a family fulfilled. A process that becomes even more complex when egg donation is the only alternative for achieving pregnancy. It is so because of the emotional burden that comes with the loss of genetic material on the part of one member of the couple, replaced by the donor’s genetic information.

Among the doubts, worries and frustrations that taking this path can involve, one question stands out as a common one among patients: when and how do I tell my child that they were born thanks to egg donation?

First of all, you should know that these questions and concerns are completely normal and common among couples who turn to this assisted reproduction treatment. That is why, in order to give you information so that you can answer your own doubts, below we will break down how to approach this apparently complex situation.

When is a good time to tell my child?

Although there are no studies that support a specific age for telling them about their origin, experts recommend telling them from when they are little, in order to gradually “sow the seed”.

Providing information at an early age (before the age of five) will foster trust between parents and child, develop their identity and avoid future resentment or frustration at later ages such as adolescence.

For this, and so that they gradually develop an understanding of their arrival in the world as something natural, sharing simple stories or reading matter adapted to their age is a good way to start the dialogue around their birth through egg donation.

Recommended reading for children born through egg donation

Books and reading are a good way to tell the story of their birth thanks to donors in an entertaining and enjoyable way. In fact, studies have shown that children conceived through sperm or egg donation benefit from knowing their origin as they grow up.

The following reads are sure to help your child:

• My Donor Story: a series of books designed for different types of family and ages, which explain donor conception from the child’s point of view, making the conversation easier.
• I Dreamed of You: The Story of an Egg Donor Baby: a child-friendly text that helps them understand their origin story with sensitivity, from the point of view of donation.
• The Pea That Was Me: An Egg Donation Story: a children’s book, ideal for explaining egg donation to young children in a simple and accessible way.
• Let’s Talk About Egg Donation: Real Stories from Real People: a collection of real accounts from families created through egg donation, focused on parenting, identity and how to approach the story with the child.
• A Tiny Itsy Bitsy Gift of Life: An Egg Donor Story: with beautiful, carefully made illustrations to capture the child’s attention, this story follows a happy pair of rabbits who want a baby bunny, but the mother has no eggs. When a kind rabbit brings her a little gift of life, their dreams begin to come true.

If you are looking for more ideas, in our roundup of books and films about egg donation you will find other titles to read as a family, as well as accounts from families who have already had this conversation.

Conclusions that inspire

Opening up the dialogue with your child about their birth thanks to egg donation is a conversation that goes beyond revealing their origin; it is a wonderful opportunity to show your honesty as a parent, an opportunity to give them security and confidence, as well as to reinforce the idea that their arrival in the world was the greatest of wishes.

If you are reading this, you have already taken the first step: informing yourself, reflecting and becoming aware of the importance of talking about egg donation openly and naturally. Because the most important thing of all is not genetics, but the love of a family built on honesty, trust and respect.